Thank you to all who participated in our August 20 play test! If you joined in, please remember to leave your feedback and bug reports on the forums here: https://forums.ashesofcreation.com/categories/apoc-bug-reports

I got bored so I wrote this.

It's probably pretty bad I hammered it out from a rough idea and lost a lot of details cause I was at work and couldn't leave to put it "on paper". XD Don't abuse me to much now. =< As always criticisms welcome.

Deep in the forests of this place exists a cavern. Ordinary sounding I know, but on closer inspection this cavern is the remains of a structure created by a people long ago and reaches deep into the earth. Exactly what is down in those depths even I do not fully understand. It is by no means a normal cavern but I'm getting ahead of myself let me start from the beginning...

Standing in the mouth of the cavern showed many inconsistencies with a natural formation. Structures that appeared to be pillars lined the foliage covered walls and obscured them so even those with keen eyes needed to check twice. Interest started to build and deeper I went. What secrets did this place hold and how deep could it possibly go?

Further and further, seemingly endless halls and rooms with nothing but the stone, dust and invading nature still remaining... Until a stair case marked with an arcane sigil that still shone with the power of it's enchantments. "This land has been untouched for a thousand years no magic could sustain for that long how is this possible... Maybe it has an energy source further down?" I thought. The path down was dark, no blackness pure no light existed here.

My will starting to falter I contemplated turning back but a light shone almost to far to see. I continued on and at once found what I had seen rings, sigils, glyphs, runes any and all arcane means for rituals formed into rings. They circled the staircase I was on which horrifyingly enough seemed to be suspended in air perhaps by this same ancient magic. Nothing was hit by the light past the staircase, no longer did I have walls around me just emptiness a void I suppose you'd call it.

Where was I? Surely this couldn't be underground? Against my better judgement and to the joy of the curiosity in my mind I walked ever deeper. Upon the path came a small platform extended not much more than a few feet more on each side. Laying on this platform were crystals and the remains of several other crystals. One in particular was interesting though with it's fractures and slight hymns of arcane energies still radiating from it.

Stupidity takes over and I reach towards the object which bursts to life creating an image of what appears to be a mage from a bygone era. He spoke to me in a tongue I had never heard before. The meaning of his words were clear to me though... was this some form of magic imbued into the crystal I had touched? Fascinating that a people so far before us had mastered the arcane in a way we have not even conceived of.

The message of this crystal was something I had hoped would not be of our reality. Something of stories a bard might tell to excite the masses. Or a legend that has no true roots in our world... but no it spoke of horrid things. Monstrous creatures in this dark plane of existence. Apparently linked to us through this gate that I had unwittingly stepped through.

The rings were created as a barrier of a kind they keep the creatures of this plane at bay. They fear the light you see as is the existence of such creatures of pure darkness. The wards are many which is a staggering feat for any number of mages even a large group of master arcanists would have issues crafting these intricate rings... The worst of this remains that they are failing.

Slowly but surely the lights flicker and movements, glimmers of beasts in the darkness and on an imperceptible ground below crawl with occasional glowing specks when the rings wane. The message at this point was breaking down and the last I could catch of it was "If you can you must sustain the barrier, if it cannot be done all is lost." Cliche is the only word I can think of now.

Something only in stories, something you'd only tell tales about, something that everyone always says "It couldn't possibly happen your crazy!". It's real though and I don't plan on letting this barrier fail. Hoping to find more information I touched one of the few crystals that hadn't been shattered to dust by some unknown means... It was a bestiary entry of sorts granting a small amount of insight into the denizens of this realm.

The same mage appeared before me in a much smaller state and spoke.

"Log 15: Bestiary note 01. Basic information: Stalkers are the most common and generally assumed to be the weakest of creatures in this plane. However, our information is more than a little on the lacking side. Even so these creatures have slain many of my brothers and sisters. Without the rings which I now stand in I too would be dead. Completing these logs is all I can do at this point and hopefully with luck others can use my knowledge to truly contain this nightmare."

Namesake: Stalker

Threat Level: 1 of 10 known. (Note: Still extremely lethal avoid at all costs.)

Description: Large fast creatures roughly twice as tall as a normal human. Sharp skeletal like frames and a very disturbing shimmer of light(arcane energies perhaps?) emits from their eyes in the blackness.

Behaviors: They hunt in packs and as their name suggests stalk their prey choosing opportunistic times to strike. They are rather intelligent and may attempt to outsmart and lure their prey into traps. They also seem to be particularly fond of the magically inclined.

Notes: Theory regarding their potential life cycle and what they consume as a general resource. Random travelers cannot be their primary food source... perhaps they feed off arcane energies this would explain the affinity for mages. Need to reassess all information and find a weakness beyond light.

"End Log."

The implications of this discovery were staggering. I had to get this back to the expedition camp, everyone needed to know what I had found. This was no longer about getting ahead of the others and claiming what we could. We all need to band together at least this once and finish what those before us could not.

Starting my way back up I noticed some of the rings flickering had worsened. Until one far down the path collapsed. With that the darkness around me sprung to life and glowing creatures of all sizes pushed against the rings. All around me were monsters, their images fleeting but forever ingrained in my mind. Faltering now would doom us all and I cannot let that happen.

Forward I went back towards the world I knew and to the people I could tell my story. The danger was real and with the crystal in hand they listened intently. I may be a humble scout but with proof and the reputation I had built up I was trusted by them. The expeditions goals had shifted now, we no longer had come here simply out of greed.

Now the fight was for our very existence and when the time comes I must lead them unto the darkness I had discovered...

Comments

  • Nice story!
  • Great story! But....erm...shouldn't this be in community creations rather than lore?
  • Oh ya my bad I'm srry I was reallllly tired when I put this up lol.

  • Was really tired when I first wrote this so if you see it in lore please let it die lol.

    It's probably pretty bad I hammered it out from a rough idea and lost a lot of details cause I was at work and couldn't leave to put it "on paper". XD Don't abuse me to much now. =< As always criticisms welcome.

    Deep in the forests of this place exists a cavern. Ordinary sounding I know, but on closer inspection this cavern is the remains of a structure created by a people long ago and reaches deep into the earth. Exactly what is down in those depths even I do not fully understand. It is by no means a normal cavern but I'm getting ahead of myself let me start from the beginning...

    Standing in the mouth of the cavern showed many inconsistencies with a natural formation. Structures that appeared to be pillars lined the foliage covered walls and obscured them so even those with keen eyes needed to check twice. Interest started to build and deeper I went. What secrets did this place hold and how deep could it possibly go?

    Further and further, seemingly endless halls and rooms with nothing but the stone, dust and invading nature still remaining... Until a stair case marked with an arcane sigil that still shone with the power of it's enchantments. "This land has been untouched for a thousand years no magic could sustain for that long how is this possible... Maybe it has an energy source further down?" I thought. The path down was dark, no blackness pure no light existed here.

    My will starting to falter I contemplated turning back but a light shone almost to far to see. I continued on and at once found what I had seen rings, sigils, glyphs, runes any and all arcane means for rituals formed into rings. They circled the staircase I was on which horrifyingly enough seemed to be suspended in air perhaps by this same ancient magic. Nothing was hit by the light past the staircase, no longer did I have walls around me just emptiness a void I suppose you'd call it.

    Where was I? Surely this couldn't be underground? Against my better judgement and to the joy of the curiosity in my mind I walked ever deeper. Upon the path came a small platform extended not much more than a few feet more on each side. Laying on this platform were crystals and the remains of several other crystals. One in particular was interesting though with it's fractures and slight hymns of arcane energies still radiating from it.

    Stupidity takes over and I reach towards the object which bursts to life creating an image of what appears to be a mage from a bygone era. He spoke to me in a tongue I had never heard before. The meaning of his words were clear to me though... was this some form of magic imbued into the crystal I had touched? Fascinating that a people so far before us had mastered the arcane in a way we have not even conceived of.

    The message of this crystal was something I had hoped would not be of our reality. Something of stories a bard might tell to excite the masses. Or a legend that has no true roots in our world... but no it spoke of horrid things. Monstrous creatures in this dark plane of existence. Apparently linked to us through this gate that I had unwittingly stepped through.

    The rings were created as a barrier of a kind they keep the creatures of this plane at bay. They fear the light you see as is the existence of such creatures of pure darkness. The wards are many which is a staggering feat for any number of mages even a large group of master arcanists would have issues crafting these intricate rings... The worst of this remains that they are failing.

    Slowly but surely the lights flicker and movements, glimmers of beasts in the darkness and on an imperceptible ground below crawl with occasional glowing specks when the rings wane. The message at this point was breaking down and the last I could catch of it was "If you can you must sustain the barrier, if it cannot be done all is lost." Cliche is the only word I can think of now.

    Something only in stories, something you'd only tell tales about, something that everyone always says "It couldn't possibly happen your crazy!". It's real though and I don't plan on letting this barrier fail. Hoping to find more information I touched one of the few crystals that hadn't been shattered to dust by some unknown means... It was a bestiary entry of sorts granting a small amount of insight into the denizens of this realm.

    The same mage appeared before me in a much smaller state and spoke.

    "Log 15: Bestiary note 01. Basic information: Stalkers are the most common and generally assumed to be the weakest of creatures in this plane. However, our information is more than a little on the lacking side. Even so these creatures have slain many of my brothers and sisters. Without the rings which I now stand in I too would be dead. Completing these logs is all I can do at this point and hopefully with luck others can use my knowledge to truly contain this nightmare."

    Namesake: Stalker

    Threat Level: 1 of 10 known. (Note: Still extremely lethal avoid at all costs.)

    Description: Large fast creatures roughly twice as tall as a normal human. Sharp skeletal like frames and a very disturbing shimmer of light(arcane energies perhaps?) emits from their eyes in the blackness.

    Behaviors: They hunt in packs and as their name suggests stalk their prey choosing opportunistic times to strike. They are rather intelligent and may attempt to outsmart and lure their prey into traps. They also seem to be particularly fond of the magically inclined.

    Notes: Theory regarding their potential life cycle and what they consume as a general resource. Random travelers cannot be their primary food source... perhaps they feed off arcane energies this would explain the affinity for mages. Need to reassess all information and find a weakness beyond light.

    "End Log."

    The implications of this discovery were staggering. I had to get this back to the expedition camp, everyone needed to know what I had found. This was no longer about getting ahead of the others and claiming what we could. We all need to band together at least this once and finish what those before us could not.

    Starting my way back up I noticed some of the rings flickering had worsened. Until one far down the path collapsed. With that the darkness around me sprung to life and glowing creatures of all sizes pushed against the rings. All around me were monsters, their images fleeting but forever ingrained in my mind. Faltering now would doom us all and I cannot let that happen.

    Forward I went back towards the world I knew and to the people I could tell my story. The danger was real and with the crystal in hand they listened intently. I may be a humble scout but with proof and the reputation I had built up I was trusted by them. The expeditions goals had shifted now, we no longer had come here simply out of greed.

    Now the fight was for our very existence and when the time comes I must lead them unto the darkness I had discovered...
  • The grammatical structure of the narration was a bit rough, to be honest.  But, that aside, the short story you wove was excellent!  Thank you!
  • Time on your hands at work eh?  hehehee
     Great story!
  • @freespiryt
    Thanks and ya sorry my grammar for that is a little bad tbh... I wrote it like immediately after I got home from work. Sadly I was tired and lost bits and pieces of the story through the wasted time.

    I appreciate the criticism please if you get a chance show me parts of what I did wrong so I can learn from it.

    @CylverRayne
    Wish they'd let me write at work or something seriously end up doing things fast and having nothing to do for an hour or so... On the bright side I get to think of stuff like this wish I had the resources Lord Sharif has. I'd totally make some nice videos or something.

  • Bannith said:
    @freespiryt
    Thanks and ya sorry my grammar for that is a little bad tbh... I wrote it like immediately after I got home from work. Sadly I was tired and lost bits and pieces of the story through the wasted time.

    I appreciate the criticism please if you get a chance show me parts of what I did wrong so I can learn from it.

    @CylverRayne
    Wish they'd let me write at work or something seriously end up doing things fast and having nothing to do for an hour or so... On the bright side I get to think of stuff like this wish I had the resources Lord Sharif has. I'd totally make some nice videos or something.


    I so hate when the ideas and imagination runs wild and you can't get them down on paper right away.  I used to get many ideas when I was driving so I started carrying a voice activated recorder.  ummm that was before cell phones lol.   On my hikes I always carried a pad and pen.  Actually I rarely go any place with out them.



  • Honestly, it'd probably be best if you had a friend, or family member, who's grammatically agile, to help you edit your story.  But, I'm always glad to help, evenif it's just a little.  Also, practice makes better (no such thing as perfect).  : :p

    Ex: "Deep in the forests of this place exists a cavern."
    "This" could be anywhere, as you give "this" no context for the reader to grasp on.  Set up your world a little more.  Like so....

    "As I found myself exploring the deep forests of a long forgotten world, last trekked by ancient forebears, I happened upon a cave."

    Just a rough example.  Every writer has their own style.  With practice, I'm sure you'll find yours, and improve will come with time.  Good luck!



  • @freespiryt
    I see what you mean I'll definitely try and work that up a bit better. Sadly I had lost half the exposition I had planned by the time I got home. XD   I do see the generics of what I wrote there now though lol

    I really don't have anyone to help me out here though not really that no one is here.
    Just that I'd probably know more about it than they would... I know that might sound condescending but it's just how they are. Not really interested in writing themselves.

  • ArchivedUserArchivedUser Guest
    edited June 2017

    Ex: "Deep in the forests of this place exists a cavern."
    "This" could be anywhere, as you give "this" no context for the reader to grasp on.  Set up your world a little more.  Like so....

    "As I found myself exploring the deep forests of a long forgotten world, last trekked by ancient forebears, I happened upon a cave."

    @freespiryt

    Absolute quality critique right there. I took some notes myself, personally. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
  • Yeah it helps me out a lot. I've never really been all that good at fleshing stuff out properly so anything like this is a boon.
  • @Welphgryn, @Bannith
    My pleasure!  Hope to read more stories from the both of you!   :)
  • You should get bored more often! Very good!
  • Thank you kindly! @Karthos Just wish I was good all the time instead of randomly. =P
  • Bannith said:
    Thank you kindly! @Karthos Just wish I was good all the time instead of randomly. =P
    I'm a writer in my spare time, and I go months sometimes between writing anything. The fact you can produce something good at anytime should be something you are proud of!
  • Karthos said:
    Bannith said:
    Thank you kindly! @Karthos Just wish I was good all the time instead of randomly. =P
    I'm a writer in my spare time, and I go months sometimes between writing anything. The fact you can produce something good at anytime should be something you are proud of!
    I have so much respect for you writers. I love writing, but I cannot write anything beyond a page. I lack the discipline. So, I focus on poetry and music. Both are concise (for my disciplines sake), and still contain the depth that I yearn for in a good read.
Sign In or Register to comment.