Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie - The Text Version

Once upon a time there was a Summoner named Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie who lived in the land of Ashes. One day her mother tells her to go take a crafted basket of newly baked goodies to her Grandmother's freehold in the neighboring Divine Node.

So Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie, goes “hop-knee, skip-knee, hop-knee, skip-knee thru the woodsts”

As she stoops to pick an alluring flower waving beside a pond, she is accosted by a sauve, wolfish rogue.

“What do we have here? Where goest thou thru these dangerous woods without a caravan or escort?”

“I am going to the Divine Node to visit my ailing Grandmother and bring her these delicious crafted goodies,” she says as she displays her crafted basket of baked goods.

“Ah,” says the rogue, “Would that be the freehold with the windmill?”

To which Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie nods.

“I have to be on my way. Stay safe.” And the rogue disappears.

Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie gets distracted by all the pretty flowers and is slow to reach her grandmother's freehold.

Meanwhile the Rogue appears at Grandmother's freehold and is wearing a fiery phoenix hoodie that he has procured from PAX.

The Rogue knocks at Grandmother's door.

“Come in. Is that you Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie?”

“Why yes it is Grandmother.”

“My, but your voice is so different.”

“I have a cold.”

“Don't come closer.”

But of course the Rogue comes closer.

“What big eyes you have,” says Grandmother.

“The better to see you with my dear.”

“What a big knife you have.”

“The better to kill you with, my dear.”

And the Rogue fights with Grandmother who does not put up a fight and he kills her. What is strange is he sees his name above his head turn red. Odd, he thinks, he never noticed his name above his head before. But, hark! He hears a knock at the freehold door, and pushes Grandmother's body under the bed and takes her place.

“Come in.....*clears throat* … Come in.”

Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie looks at her “Grandmother” and says, “Grandmother you must be very sick, you look sooo different.”

“Well I have been sick.”

“Grandmother, what is that bulge under the covers?”

The Rogue pulls out his knife.

“Something to kill you with, my dear.”

At which point the Rogue leaps out of bed to attack Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie, but Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie is quick and throws up a magic wall and escapes.

Meanwhile a red ping appears on the map, as an intrepid Bounty Hunter notices as he is traversing the area, when he sees a female dashing out of a Freehold.

“Wha' be tha problem young lass? Has ther' been a ganking? As I'va seen a ping on'a map.”

Breathlessly, Wee Fiery Phoenix Hoodie, with heaving breasts nods and points to the Freehold. The brave, dwarven bounty hunter charges into the Freehold with greataxe swinging and dispatches the offending Rogue; thus giving him a substancial bounty, a crafted basket of baked goodies, and the girl.

They lived happily ever after in the Freehold newly converted to the liviliest tavern this side of the military node.

The End