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Slightly off topic humor channel
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A human, a dwarf, and an elf are sitting in a tavern after two weeks on the road. They're dirty and tired, but they're in high spirits after a successful adventure. They order a few rounds of drinks, and after a while their conversation turns to taverns in their home towns.
The human says, "Back in my town, for every four pints you order, they give you one for free!"
The dwarf says, "That's nothin'. Back in MY town, for every two pints ye order, they give ye one for free!"
The elf laughs. "That's nothing. Where I come from, you can go into any fine establishment, drink all night for free, and then afterwards you go upstairs and have sex for free!"
The human and the dwarf stare at the elf in amazement.
The dwarf asks, "Is that true? Has that really happened to you?"
"Well, not me," says the Elf. "But it happens to my sister all the time!"
Comments
lol
HUMAN, DWARF, ELF, ORC STAY TAVERN.
DIRTY. TIRED. BUT HAPPY.
GOOD ADVENTURE TIME.
BUY DRINK TALK HOME STORY.
HUMAN SAY "IN HOME FOUR PINTS GIVE ONE FREE"
ALL LAUGH DRINK!
DWARF SAY "IN HOME TWO PINTS GIVE ONE FREE"
ALL LAUGH DRINK!
ELF SAY "IN HOME DRINK FREE AND UP GER FREE"
ALL LAUGH DRINK!
ORC QUIET. WATCH DRUNK.
NEXT DAY, ORC GO OUT TAVERN.
NO FRIEND. MUCH MINCED MEAT.
a: Low Fat.
Love that username.
A dwarf, an elf, and a orc were shipwrecked and stranded on a deserted island.
There they find a long forgotten ancient temple, crumbling into ruin. They tentatively make their way inside to explore, and eventually find themselves in a grand alter room where they find a magical ring of wishes sitting atop a dusty dais.
The dwarf gazes upon the sparkling treasure and places the ring on his finger and exclaims, "Great! Now I can return home! I wish I was back in my favorite tavern at home, surrounded by good friends and better ale"!
*POOF!* He was gone in a flash of light and a puff of smoke! The ring he had been wearing dropped to the ground and rolled over to the elf.
The elf picks up the ring gingerly and says "Finally, I can return home as well! I wish I was in my fair forest city, trading tales with the finest poets, artists, and philosphers of our age!"
*POOF!* The elf disappeared in the same manner as the dwarf had!
The ring drops to the ground once again, clinking across the hard stone floor.
The orc picks up the ring with a sad face and says, "Me lonely now. Me wish the other two guys were back here."
ORC STUPID.
UMJI DIFFERENT WISH THINKS.
TWO GUY BRING UMJI FAMILY ALSO.
PARENT BE PROUD.
Go ahead laugh! or I let my Archmage to make it happen.
sherlock bone
"Corellon, I'm totally screwed!"
A beam of light comes from the heavens, and a voice intones: "No, my child, you are not totally screwed. Take thee the rock at your knees, and strike thou at the chieftain before you."
The elf picks up the rock and in one blow, smashes the skull of the goblin chieftain before his astonished tribe.
The voice from above speaks again: "There, now you are totally screwed."
I just wanted to say these are great so far!! Keep it up, puuuhhh-leeeeeeezzzzz!
^.^
The human said "man I got so drunk I kissed my horse!"
The dwarf laughed and said "That's nothing, I was so drunk I forgot me boots and pants at the tavern."
They both looked at the elf who smiled and said "I got so drunk I blew chunks." The other two said "that's it?"
Just then a big burly orc walked into the bar and the elf said "Oh hey Chunks".
A Genie appears, and promises them three wishes!
The Dwarf jumps in and says "Oh magical Genie, I wish to be back home at my inn, surrounded by pints of ale, fresh meat, and all my friends!"
A wave of the Genie's hand and POOF, the Dwarf disappears.
The Elf steps up next and asks "Oh great and wonderful Genie, return me to my tree top home with my loving wife and wonderful children!"
POOF, the Genie gestures and the Elf vanishes.
The orc looks around forlornly at the empty island, walks up to the Genie, and asks "MAGICAL BLUE FLOATING GHOST. ME LONELY. ME WANT FRIENDS BACK!"
I plagerised it first!
Bawhahaha!
Like the genie though.